This photo is what comes up when you search on Unsplash for ‘Successful Man.’ I’m not convinced this man looks very successful, but I’m willing to bet that he looks a lot like you, right now, sitting on your battered couch in your dingy living room, frowning at your laptop as you read this article, waiting to learn the one thing you’ve been wanting to learn all your life.
This is an important article. You can tell because the title is repeated just below. Look:
The One Difference Between You And Someone Richer Than You.
I know what you’re thinking.
“Is it… money?”
Of course not. If it were so simple, everyone would be rich. But it’s a good guess. It shows that you’re smart. It shows that you’re eager. It shows that you’re ready to find out what the difference is between you and all the other guys with more money than you, other than money.
You can forget about the countless self-help listicles you’ve previously cluttered your brain with. They are nothing but excess information. For proof: are you richer now, having read them? I doubt it. (If you are please respond with a link below.)
There’s no need for ‘5 ways this’, ‘10 ways that’.
There is only one thing you need to know.
Have you noticed the excessive spacing?
The short paragraphs?
Like bullet points.
Something big is coming up.
The thing you’ve been waiting to read.
The thing you clicked on this article for.
My Pop-Tart has just come out of the toaster — hold on just a sec.
I’m back, and you must be wondering, “What can a guy who eats Pop-Tarts teach me about success?”
It’s a fair question. But it also highlights exactly where you’ve been going wrong all this time. It’s not about you, me, or Pop-Tarts.
It’s about much more than that.
And I’m going to tell you what it is.
Are you ready?
Hold on... Someone’s at the door.
It was the HDMI cable I ordered.
The cable I use is too short. If there’s one other thing I’m happy to teach you here, other than how to get rich quick, it’s to never skimp on cable length. You never know when you’ll need that extra foot, and trust me there will come a time when that extra foot is everything you need.
Anyway. Do you know what I told the delivery guy, just now?
I told the delivery guy exactly what the difference is between him and the other guy — you know, the one who makes him deliver those parcels. Jeff something. I forget his last name - I’ll Google it when I’m done writing this. Funny thing is, the delivery guy was also called Jeff. I pointed it out to him but he didn’t seem very receptive. And you know what, why should he? Your name doesn’t make you who you are (except in everyday life and on legal documents). No. Who you are, deep inside, comes down to something more primal, more essential than an arrangement of letters.
Well, anyway, I told Jeff (the delivery guy) how it is, and believe me, Jeff won’t be delivering parcels anymore. Because when you know that one thing, you become the one who gets the parcels delivered. I don’t mean like me waiting at home for my parcels, I mean the guy who tells other guys to deliver the parcels. Not the guy in the office who coordinates the delivery guys at the warehouse, I mean the big guy right at the top, the guy who tells everyone what to do — Jeff (not delivery Jeff, the other one).
Because all it takes is knowing this one thing.
I need a coffee. Pop-Tarts are really convenient but my God they’re sweet.
Ok, I’ve got my coffee. It’s instant coffee but I don’t really mind. I don’t have expensive taste. Which is lucky because I am broke.
Forget I said that. Money is no matter. What matters isn’t having money or not having money. What matters is realising your potential, whether your potential involves having money or not having money, although statistically speaking it’s probably the latter. What I’m saying may not make much sense right now, or at any stage, but it might, eventually, I hope.
Say it with me:
Potential potential potential. Say it until it loses all meaning.
I feel quite dehydrated now. I mainly subsist on coffee and Pop-Tarts, and I saw this other listicle that described how sugar and coffee both make you dehydrated. I was like, coffee’s a liquid, how can it make you dehydrated? The article went on to explain why but I stopped reading. I have a very short attention span.
Do you know what would be a good listicle? 8 Ways To Make 8 Friends in 8 Hours. I’d read that — at least the first 2 or 3 ways. Nobody needs 8 friends, really. That’s at least 4 too many. And 8 hours is a long time. Well, the concept is there but it probably needs more work.
I feel like maybe I lost the thread a little bit. I’m sorry. I’ll scroll back up and read what I wrote in a moment. I’m tired. I watched Youtube on my laptop until 2am, then from 2am to 4am I watched cage fighting videos on Facebook on my phone. I have a lot of trouble sleeping, I don’t know why.
Right — ok, this article is about money. It’s time for another Unsplash photo. Let’s see what comes up when we run a search with the title of this piece.
The title is too long — the search bar won’t accept it. Seems like you can only search for a maximum of 5 words. Let’s trim it down to ‘Difference You And Rich Guy’ and see the first result:
Fine — the cigar, the enormous rings, the panama hat. This guy is clearly enjoying some level of personal success, or at least has successfully convinced himself that he is successful, which is basically the same thing. Not sure about the floral patterned jacket, but if anything it denotes belief in oneself and total disdain for how others perceive you, which are important qualities if you want to be successful.
Let’s try another photo. Searching for ‘Why Others Richer Than Me’:
I don’t get it. What does a small, washed-out plant have to do with my quest for riches? Should I be learning something from nature? When has nature ever taught anyone anything? It’s a nicely processed picture, but like almost everything else on Unsplash it’s boring and generic. Let’s try something else.
‘How I Get Rich Quick’:
This guy again.
I’m not sure this is working.
Alright, last attempt. Searching for ‘Get Me Mucho Dinero’:
Now that’s more like it. This woman is attractive, confident, has a positive attitude (you can tell because she’s smiling) and is on the move. No stagnation for this woman. She’s heading straight for the place where the money’s at. The floral pattern on her jacket is reminiscent of the other guy’s jacket, it is not? Could it really be so simple? It’s probably just a coincidence. Let’s ignore the jackets.
Well, it’s decided then. The secret to success is being an attractive, confident, positive, well-dressed woman. In retrospect, it’s perfectly obvious where I’ve been going wrong.
I’m quite relieved this article arrived at some sort of conclusion. I’ve got to be honest, I wasn’t too hopeful while I was writing it. But it goes to show that you’ve just got to keep at it. Never give up.
I hope reading this article was as much help to you as writing it was to me.
To recap: the key to realising your potential is to never give up. And maybe put some money aside for a floral patterned jacket, just in case. I know I will.